So, in case you had missed it, I am a major Star Trek fan.
To be quite honest, it is probably one of my two top fandoms of them all.
I dearly love it. I know more about the timelines involved than is definitely considered normal. I collect star trek ornaments and star trek toys and books, and things that surround the fandom that look like they’re not part of a fandom. I like things to look a combination of both fannish and real.
Take for instance the planetary travel guide about Vulcan. I fucking love that book. It is probably one of my most favorite things to have come out in the fandom in the last two years. (I will admit that one of the other things I’d consider a favorite from the last two years I don’t even have yet, still.) These things are awesome.
But, this year should have heralded an absolute pile of Star Trek stuff in stores.
Because it’s the 50th Anniversary of Star Trek’s premier on TV, and there was a new movie out. We should be absolutely ROLLING in merchandise at ALL price points.
BUT WE’RE NOT.
What the hell? CBS, Paramount – You guys seriously dropped the fucking ball. There should be ornaments galore. There should be more toys. There should be more books. I should be able to decorate a christmas tree with all kinds of Star Trek shit this year.
And what do I get?
Overpriced clothes from a designer that has good designs about one in three times.
I haven’t really seen or heard anything about cool toys or books or clothing or household goods. Nothing. (Just a Trivial Pursuit that comes in a shuttlepod with cards nearly too hard to read.)
Just the same old shit that you’ve had forever – redone with the 50th logo on it in a few cases to try and milk more money out of people.
And the stuff you’ve always had? It goes back and forth on the scale of obscenely expensive for what it is – to obscenely expensive for the quality – or just obnoxious on the shipping (though it looks like the star trek website may have fixed the last one). Let’s not even talk about the prices of the DVDs. ST: Enterprise Seasons can be bought from the star trek website at a sale price of $57.99 – you can get the exact same DVDs for about $35 – with free prime shipping. It’s slightly obnoxious. To be quite honest – I’d probably buy anything that I could from Amazon – because almost all of it can be found for cheaper and with free prime shipping.
And this just disappoints me because Star Trek released one of it’s biggest movies this year and I barely saw ANY merchandise in stores.
I can still buy Rey’s staff from SW:TFA – which was released at christmas this last year, but I can’t get Jaylah’s staff anywhere? Can’t find a Lirpa anywhere, just klingon weapons from TNG and phasers from TOS. I’d like to get my hands on a voyager compression rifle toy, but they just don’t exist.
And for that matter – while I understand that there’s a lot of love for TOS and TNG – can the other series get a little love too?
There’s a whole dedicated section on the Star Trek website’s merchandise section for TOS, and TNG – and all of the Starfleet Academy stuff is set in the year 2161 – which doesn’t line up with any era for any captain. And it technically doesn’t coincide with the founding of the academy either.
There’s no tea cup to honor Picard. Hell, there’s not even a coffee mug to honor the Captain that literally is known for her comment of “There’s Coffee in that Nebula!” There’s nothing baseball themed for Sisko.
It’s like Deep Space 9, Voyager and Enterprise just don’t exist at all.
But they do.
And, you know, I’d buy shit that had my favorite series plastered all over it.
There are literally 8 t-shirts that include things other than Klingons, TOS or TNG or the upcoming Discovery or Star Trek Beyond. Only ONE of them includes Voyager – but it’s not a just Voyager shirt – it’s got an outline of each of the first four series flagships on it. Most of them are DS9. One is general Federation. One is Borg. One is Enterprise, and includes a little known quote.
The only uniforms offered by the star trek website are TOS and TNG. Again, there are 3 more series to pull uniforms from, guys. COME ON. You’re literally leaving out roughly one third of your fanbase.
Going into the collectable things tab – there are three things for Voyager, and two for Enterprise and two for Deep Space Nine, but they’re all $150 and higher.
Jewelry, there’s only a single set of cufflinks for Enterprise. Nothing for Deep Space Nine or Voyager, just a single general Federation set of cufflinks. Five things are Vulcan, and then the rest are either TOS or TNG, with 2 klingon things. And let’s not forget the sqaure with a yellow cushion cut stone. What the hell is that for, anyways? It looks so out of place – but it’s an official piece of star trek jewelry.
There’s ABSOLUTELY nothing reminding everyone that Archer had a beloved Beagle named Porthos in the pet section – in fact the only two things there are TOS.
The toy section isn’t even worth mentioning.
There’s just so much that you people are missing in merchandising opportunities that it’s insane. Everything that could be done that you haven’t – and all the things that you could have done for the 50th will always disappoint me.
After all, this was a year you SHOULD have gone crazy.
And you did jack shit.
In fact, honestly, the only thing I’ll probably remember about this year is Beyond. Not the 50th – but Beyond.
You blew it.